A Letter to Pastors and Worship Leaders in Conflict

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conflictDear Pastor and Worship Leader in Conflict,

You’ll never convince your congregation to live in community as long as the two of you continue to live in isolation. If Jesus as your model for ministry called those with whom he served his friends, then shouldn’t you be doing the same?

It might seem like you’re high functioning now by depending on your own strengths and gifts alone. But even when you realize some success alone there will come a time when you will fail, also alone. So maybe it’s time to figure out what’s contributing to your conflict. Maybe it’s time to admit all your strife didn’t originate in someone else’s office. Maybe it’s time to spend as much time on your relationship as you’ve been spending on ministry job placement sites. And maybe it’s time to stop expecting the people in the pews to be unified when the people on the platform aren’t.

Maybe you are in conflict because you’re always willing to pastor the members of your congregation, but not each other. None of us are immune from the struggles of life such as depression, physical or mental health issues, marital conflict, errant children or financial stress. So if the two of you aren’t willing to pastor each other when you’re facing similar issues, who will? And pastoring each other will help protect you both from your own stupidity.

Maybe you are in conflict because you don’t love or really even like each other that much. Scripture reminds us to love God first, then our neighbors as ourselves. Your closest neighbor beyond your family should be those with whom you serve in ministry. So what might occur if you learned to love each other more than you loved getting your own way?

Maybe you are in conflict because you aren’t praying for each other. Praying that God will call one of you to another ministry is not praying for each other, it’s selfishly praying for yourself. Praying for each other requires communication, vulnerability and trust. Interceding for each other may not change your ministry colleague but it can sure change you.

Maybe you are in conflict because you never share ministry together. Just because your ministry position allows you to have the last word doesn’t mean it has to be your word. Shared ministry publicly and privately affirms the calling of each other. Sharing means you are no longer guarded or territorial since you’ll both get the credit and blame. The result is that successes are maximized and failures minimized.

Maybe you are in conflict because you never play together. You encourage your congregants to develop communal relationships of fellowship and fun, yet the two of you won’t even grab coffee or play golf together. In the Acts 2 church they spent time together, had things in common, broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts. Those relationships are often foreign to the two of you.

And finally, just maybe once you’ve worked through some of these conflicts you’ll realize it’t true that two are better than one, because you’ll have a better return on your labor. And you’ll also realize that if you fall, someone will be beside you to help you up (Eccl 4:9-10).

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